Communicating With Children: How To Get Your Kids To Listen

“How can I get my child to listen to me?”, I hear you say. This is an ongoing problem for many parents. I can sympathize with you as it isn’t easy. Sometimes as parents we need to have the wisdom of Solomon.

I have a 12 year old son finds it terribly difficult to listen to me. If I want him to do something, I have to go up to him and put my hand on his shoulder and say to him, “Sammy, look at me with your eyes”.

It’s as if no-one is home inside of him sometimes. He truly doesn’t hear me. Therefore I don’t expect him to answer me if I am not in front of him. Many would disagree with this but that is the way I deal with Sam.

Sam is an individual and as such needs to be treated differently than my other three kids. He is mildly ADHD and I need to allow for that, even though I don’t let it become an excuse. With this child, I choose to focus on other more important things in his life.

Whereas I have a 14 year old who is not ADD or ADHD and I know is capable of much, much more than his other brothers. Therefore I hold him to a much higher standard. This is my choice. I have always told me children that they are individuals and as such I will treat them as individuals.

This year Sam is playing soccer but my other three are not. That is my choice. He has a flair for soccer and practices harder and is more passionate than the others about the game I decided to give him that opportunity above the others.

It beats me how Sam can always be concentrating when the ball is near him but when I say something to him he just doesn’t hear me. But that’s the way he is, so I make amends for him and use different strategies for him.

With my other children, I expect them to jump when I ask them to do something. They are capable of that so I require it of them. Sometimes I still have to get down to Rebekah’s level (she is nine years old). If she was playing a game and I needed her I would tend to go to her to make sure I had her attention.

Are your kids tuning you out?

As a rule I do not call out to my kids through the house, however, if I did there would be a very good reason for it (such as the house was on fire or I was stuck).

If you model not calling out to your kids through the house you will find that they will start to copy you. Whatever you do, you can bet your kids will do the same. This can be very good sometimes but it can actually work against you if you are not careful.

We need to model listening to our kids and this one thing you can be very sure of: if you never listen to your kids they will not listen to you. This is worth remembering. You have no right to expect your child to listen to you if don’t listen to them in return.

Remember, being a parent is not about dictatorship as some parents believe, rather it is a two way communication between parent and child, whereby your child has the right to request choices and privileges from you.

I hope this helps parents just a little. Listen to your child and they will listen to you in return.

© Kim Patrick

Kim Patrick is a Parenting Mentor and Coach, seminar speaker, and author of “Get Your Child To Behave IN 30 Days Or Less”. She is also creator of the famous “Sleeping Angels” series for children.

The Sleeping Angels Downloadable CDs are special CDs aimed at speaking positive messages to your children while they are in bed asleep. See how you can improve your child’s behavior with these astounding messages.

Kim lives on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland, Australia, with her four children. She has a Certificate 3 in Education Support, Diploma in Christian Ministry and is currently working towards a Bachelor of Learning Management through the Central Queensland University.

Additional resources:

Get Your Child to Listen the First Time – Reduce your stress now. Enjoy your kids more and get things done the first time you ask. Get 19 solutions for getting your child to listen and do what s/he is asked. You’ll get real-life, practical solutions that you can use right away.
Why Do They Act Like That – Proven strategies and techniques for communicating with your child. A guide for parents with teenagers with effective techniques by master practitioners of NLP from around the world.
Talking to Toddlers – High quality audio course for stressed-out parents of children aged 2 and above. Created by an expert in NLP and Ericksonian Hypnosis.