Positive Discipline: Alternatives To Punishment For Kids

Should we punish our kids? If so, how often and what for? Firstly, let me explain a difference to you. I discipline for three things: disobedience, disrespect and defiance.

Anything else just doesn’t count for me. And we need to concentrate on the major issues in life instead of focusing on the little things that don’t really matter that much.

Let me tell you a funny story: my 17 year old son recently got suspended from school for 20 days for doing a back somersault off a brick wall. Stupid? You bet.

But you have to understand that my son is an acrobat and very talented in that department. How was he to know that the school would put his act in the category of “attempted suicide” and give him such a huge punishment?

I rang the school and lodged a formal complaint, but it proved to be fruitless. So my son had to take his consequence. But I was very disappointed in the school for not realizing the difference between disobedience and stupidity.

It’s not our job to catch them out or punish them

Today my daughter was home late from school. I could have blasted her but decided that a soft approach was the best option. So I said to her “Beck, what time did I tell you to be home from school?” Then I said to her that if anything happened to her I would be terribly upset.

I asked her if she knew how much a diamond ring would cost to buy. Then I told her that she was much more valuable than a diamond ring and if anything ever happened to her that I would be devastated.

I decided upon the approach and she became quite emotional. I simply let her know why she needed to contact me if she was going to be home late from school.

We talked about ringing me on the phone and I led her through all the options, so that she would know how to handle the same situation next time. And this is what true discipline is – teaching your child so that they are equipped for the next time to do things the right way.

It’s not our job to catch them out. What we want to do is equip them for the rest of their lives. I have no doubt in my mind that next time Beck will call me if she wants to go somewhere before coming home from school.

She understand how important it is to call home and I have empowered her to do it right next time by teaching her “how to” do it next time. If we do our job right as a parent, there will not be much need for punishment at all and your child will thank you.

Copyright © Kim Patrick

Kim Patrick is a Parenting Mentor and Coach, seminar speaker, and author of “Get Your Child To Behave IN 30 Days Or Less”. She is also creator of the famous “Sleeping Angels” series for children. Kim lives on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland, Australia, with her four children. She has a Certificate 3 in Education Support, Diploma in Christian Ministry and is currently working towards a Bachelor of Learning Management through the Central Queensland University.

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Additional resources:

Positive .Discipline Tools – Positive Discipline is a program designed to teach young people to become responsible, respectful and resourceful members of their communities. Based on the best selling Positive Discipline books by Dr. Jane Nelsen and co-authors, it teaches important social and life skills in a manner that is deeply respectful and encouraging for both children and adults.
Free Child Discipline Presentation – 3 effective keys to stop misbehavior and get any child to listen. Learn effective ways to disciplining children and getting your child to listen and cooperate without putting up a fuss.
No-Nonsense Parenting For Today’s Teenager – How to feel like a good parent even when your teenager hates you. Get your teenager to STOP their abusive or disrespectful behavior.