Single Parenting: Simple Tips To Raise Happy, Well-Adjusted Kids

Being a parent is a daunting task and doing it alone is doubly so. Single parents have to deal with a lot of issues but none as important as raising their children. Good parenting has more to do with values and nurturing than the lack of a second parent.

True, the task of bringing up children is enormous but it is equally true that single parents raise great kids too! It makes sense therefore to be better armed to deal with the peculiar situation. Here are some simple yet effective tips to prepare yourself for the task of being a single parent.

1.    Establish and State your Authority

“I wanted my family to run like a democracy. Pretty soon I realized that the children were running the show.” – Rashmi

Too many single parents make this mistake either to allay some amount of guilt associated with depriving the children of a second parent or because they want to dump some responsibility.

Remember this- children need an authority figure. Even a democracy has a leader. Build a rapport with your kids and involve them in the decision making process but let it be clear that the final call is yours alone.

2.    Shift your Paradigm

“I often felt like I had been THRUST into the role of single parent that I HAD to do it all alone. It was poor me.” – Geeta

Single parenthood need not be viewed as a pathological condition to be endured. Instead change the language of your self-talk and view it as a CHOICE you have made and something you WANT to do. Focus on the many positives of being a single parent (you will find plenty of them).

3.    Appreciate & Care for Yourself

“Being a single parent is a thankless job. Sometimes I try so hard to get appreciation from my kids and allow myself to be manipulated by them just so I can hear them say I’m a great mom. ” – Geeta

Lack of appreciation can demotivate anyone let alone a single parent. Often you will have to wait till your children grow up for them to appreciate your efforts no matter how loving and competent you are now.

You have to learn to appreciate yourself and recognize your own efforts. Acknowledge that the fact that you have chosen to go it alone is itself worthy of respect. Take time to pamper yourself. Your children will benefit from it and so will you. Rest assured that you will be rewarded.

4.    Avoid Getting Overwhelmed – Manage Your Resources

Balancing career and family can be quite an overwhelming experience for anybody. More so for a single parent that has to do it alone. Create a priority list and make a time table that you and the kids can follow.

Impress upon them they you have to work as a team and allow them to come up with suggestions. Assign tasks and chores to the kids and have them realize that every right they enjoy comes with responsibilities.

Develop and nurture a network of all other resources (friends, family, neighbors etc.) you have at your disposal and make a plan detailing how you will utilize them. Let your plans have a bit of flexibility and avoid being rigid.

5.    Provide a Nurturing Home Environment

Children crave stability and attention just as much or maybe more than you do. Express your love for them in words as well as in deed. Do not shy from praising and appreciating your children and make sure to mark their milestones.

Do not take their help for granted- offer a ‘Thank You’ every time.  You will find your expressiveness reciprocated and you will find that your children begin to take criticism and disciplining positively.

The key is to be consistent with both praise and criticism. A tip: be genuine and specific with your appreciation, criticism and gratitude.

Have fun with your kids as often as you can

6.    Do Not Use Your Child As An Emotional Crutch

“I have an open relationship with my son. I even discuss my dates with him.” – Rajiv

Often a single parent will use the child as an emotional anchor in lieu of the missing spouse. This is the single biggest mistake that a parent can make. A child is a child- not mature enough to handle your emotional confidences even though s/he may appear to be.

Sharing and confiding your emotional ups and downs can scar your child for life. It communicates your instability to the child. Stability is the one thing that the child expects from the parent.

7.    Have Fun Together

Join your kids in their fun activities as often as you can. Play with them, go for movies, read books and do fun stuff together. Make a “Having Fun” time table and stick to it.

8.    Seek Expert Opinion

All your best efforts can at times seem fruitless. Being too involved in the problem can cloud your judgment. At times like these the only option that remains is seeking professional guidance. Remember that problems need to be addressed as a matter of priority.

© Arun Chitnis

This article may be reprinted with the author copyright and a live link back to http://www.lovingyourchild.com

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Additional resources:

• The Single Moms Survival Guide – Bethanny Davis draws on her own experience as a single mom to share helpful advice about who to ask for help and what to ask for, dating, ways to save money, finding childcare, visitation, dealing with loneliness and much more.
• Become a Single Mom By Choice – Struggling with the the yearning to procreate and the need to nurture and protect, but scared to do it alone? Want a choice to have a baby without a man involved, and need to know how to do it wisely and safely? This book will help you fulfill your lifelong goal of having a family.
• Kids And Chores: Mom, Can I Help Around the House? – Need help with a messy home & messy kids? Use this simple step-by-step system for teaching your children life-long skills for pitching in and picking up. Teach your children responsibility, self-sufficiency and confidence today.

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