Is Your Child Being Bullied? How You Can Help Him Deal With It

By Diana D’Souza

Because it is so rampant, we often dismiss bullying in the schoolyard as a ‘part of growing up’. However, bullying is certainly no rite of passage that every child has to go through.

Also, contrary to popular belief, bullying does NOT toughen your kid up. In fact, it has potentially serious physical and emotional implications, and sometimes leaves a lasting impact.

Children often refrain from reporting incidents or patterns of bullying to parents and other adults. Understandably, they fear that the adult will storm into school and compound the embarrassment – and the bullying – by creating a scene.

Another deterrent is the fact that many parents tend to shrug it off with “learn to deal with it yourself” statements and attitudes. This is most common in the case of boys, who are taught that complaining is ‘sissy’ and that facing up to a bully is ‘macho.

Is Your Kid Being Bullied?

As a parent, it is important for you to recognize signs that indicate your child is a victim of bullying in school. Most children in such situations exhibit certain typical warning signs. Here’s what to watch for:

• Your kid looks stressed at even the thought of going to school. Though not visibly sick, s/he claims to be too ill to attend school
• Your kid has become increasing isolated and withdrawn. S/he prefers to be alone and not to interact with anybody
• Your kid is overly sensitive, cries easily at imagined slights and feels persecuted and picked upon by peers, teachers and other adults
• You see glaring changes in appetite and sleeping pattern
• Your child displays typical ‘victim’ body language – hung head, drooping shoulders, etc. S/he also avoids eye contact
• Your kid’s possessions often go mysteriously missing or are equally mysteriously damaged
• Your kid’s performance in school is deteriorating slowly but perceptibly

These symptoms are not necessarily indicative of bullying and may have other triggers – but you should definitely NOT ignore them!

Inside The Mind Of A Bully

Bullies are neither as smart nor as brave as they hope to appear. They are, in fact, dysfunctional children who are resentful and frustrated. The reasons for this can often be some inherent physical or mental handicap or simply abuse or neglect in their own home.

In some cases, bullies were themselves victims of bullying in earlier years. Invariably, such children failed to get support and protection from responsible adults when this happened, and were forced to adopt aggressive behaviors to survive. The bullying habit then became part of their personas.

Kids low self-esteem and poor social skills are easy targets for bullies

Be The Shelter – Not The Storm

Most parents go into overdrive when they learn that their child is being bullied at school. They swing wildly from declaring war on the school, or wringing their hands in futile despair. Neither reaction helps a bullied child in any way at all.

When your child is the victim of a school bully, you need to be as steady as a rock and will assure him/her of your unfailing support. Next, assure your child that you will deal with this in a dignified and diplomatic manner – there will be no repercussions.

Studies show that kids with low self-esteem and insufficient social skills are often the easiest targets for bullies, since they are less likely to fight back or otherwise challenge the bully.

Since it is practically impossible for you to be ever-present and protect your child from bullying, the best thing you can do is empower your child with self-protective strategies. Here’s what you can do to help your child:

• Assure your child that the bullying is not his/her fault. If applicable, recount such incidents from your own childhood
• Let your child know that s/he is not alone in this
• Instill self-confidence and good social skills in your child
• Teach your child to be more assertive and speak up for himself or herself
• Help your child establish a buddy system to ensure timely support on the bus, playground or in the school bathroom
• Discuss with your child appropriate ways of responding to bullies

One of the most effective strategies is to teach your child to ignore the bully, walk away and get help from an adult. Doing this is always the safest thing to do under the circumstances – attempting to fight back can escalate into violence and physical harm.

Teach your child the importance of not reacting to anything the bully says or does. Laughing and making fun of a bully can enrage him/her, while crying or looking upset will only compound the problem.

Diana D’Souza is a Pune-based freelance writer.

This article may be reproduced with the complete author bio and a link back to http://www.lovingyourchild.com

Additional resources:

Self Esteem For Children Today – Awaken self esteem to greater heights. Is today’s modern lifestyle destroying your child’s self-esteem? Discover how you can boost your child’s self-esteem with immediate results that will amaze you and your child.
Social .Skills For Kids – What you need to know to help your child improve social skills and win friends for life. Learn the best way to empower your child in overcoming social challenges.
Free Email Seminar: The Art of Raising Anxiety-Free Kids – If your child struggles with anxiety, fear, or excessive worry, helping them overcome those challenges NOW can change their entire lives for the better.