Improve Your Child’s Behavior With Consistency And Firm Boundaries

By Kim Patrick

Being consistent is very important as a parent. What our kids need to know is what to expect if they present us with a certain kind of behavior. Kids should know without a shadow of a doubt what our reaction will be, every time. Good parents will react in the same way to the same problem.

This helps our kids understand and in turn make an educated decision, perhaps about whether it is worth mucking up. For instance, if your child cam home late from school and you grounded them for a week, they would most likely think very long and hard about whether to repeat the behavior, due to the steep consequence.

When we are consistent we actually help our kids to behave. Most parents are not consistent in what they do, and need to work on things in order to make life easier for our kids. And that’s what our job is, to help make life easier for our kids.

The end result we want is for them to become well equipped to face life as an adult one day. But in order to do this we need to train our kids up to do things the right way.

Most of the time, when children misbehave, it is because they want to test to see if you will remain firm in your boundaries. Kids actually feel relieved when we do stick to our agreed upon boundaries.

They feel secure when they know what things are going to be like. And the thing is that when we change the rules without letting the kids know we bring trouble upon ourselves. Kids get confused when we move the boundaries and that’s when things go wrong.

Consistency and firm boundaries give kids a sense of security

I can give you an example: I do not allow my daughter to have friends sleepover on a Sunday evening because she has school the next day. But one evening she had a friend over and she begged me to change my mind just once. I gave in and said OK, against my better judgment. Actually I somehow managed to justify it in my mind.

That was fine until the next weekend when the same thing happened. This time it was harder to say no to her. Once again the next week she asked me and now she asks me nearly every single Sunday night.

I am still paying the price for not sticking to my boundaries. The problem is that I said yes just once and now my daughter is wondering when I am going to say yes just once more. I have blown it with that boundary and it is totally my fault.

When we go back on a boundary we will experience the repercussions for weeks after the fact. It’s not just a once off occurrence because the kids will pick up on the inconsistencies and bombard you like never before. And it’s your own fault when that happens. And it’s much harder to go back and rectify things. It is much better not to go there in the first place.

The next time your child tries to push a boundary, remember that all kids push boundaries and they do it because they actually want to know that you won’t waver in them. So do your child a favor today and stick to your boundaries and practice consistency in your parenting.

Copyright © Kim Patrick

Kim Patrick is a Parenting Mentor and Coach, seminar speaker, and author of “Get Your Child To Behave IN 30 Days Or Less”. She lives on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland, Australia, with her four children. She has a Certificate 3 in Education Support, Diploma in Christian Ministry and is currently working towards a Bachelor of Learning Management through the Central Queensland University.

Kim is the creator of the famous Sleeping Angels Downloadable CDs that are designed to speak positive messages to your children while they are in bed asleep. See how you can improve your child’s behavior with these astounding messages.

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Additional resources:

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