Building Self-Esteem In Children: 10 Ways Parents Can Help

By Leena Elizabeth Abraham

Self-esteem is all about what we think of ourselves and our abilities. From self esteem derive the other desirable attributes of self confidence, self respect, pride in one’s abilities and independence.

Children with a positive sense of self-esteem are happier, better adjusted and have an easier time in life. It is important that each child receives sufficient guidance early in life to ensure a healthy sense of self-esteem. This is not the same as being approving of everything your child says or does.

Here are 10 ways to instill high self-esteem in your child:

1. Offer Praise – But Don’t Overdo It

When you respond to your child with appreciation and praise, you are basically bulwarking his or her sense of self-worth. It’s incredible, the difference that showing positive interest in the little things that interest your child can make.

It can be about the simplest things – such as your child’s picture collection or even his interest in a particular sport.

• When you appreciate your child, you’re displaying a vital level of acceptance. Going overboard with praise can, however, put the child under a lot of pressure. So learn how to distinguish between positive and negative praise.
• Also, ensure that you don’t offer back-handed praise. “It was smart of you to remember to take your raincoat today” is straightforward and positive, while “How come you didn’t forget to take your raincoat today?” is back-handed and negative. Remarks like the latter confuse a child.

Be specific with your praise and let your child know what the compliment is for.

2. Do Not Compare

Each child is unique. Don’t compare your child with his or her peers.

• Tactless remarks like “How I wish you could be more like Rekha….” or “Couldn’t you be as smart as Vivek?” are a complete NO! NO. Your child will grow up feeling that he or she lacks in something.
• Rather, recognize his strengths, abilities and talents and nurture them. Accept your child as he or she is.

3. Be a Good Listener

Active listening is another factor that facilitates self-esteem. Listen carefully to everything your child has to say to you. You will get a lot of clues on how she feels and reacts just by listening.

• Open-ended questions that can’t be answered with a simple “Yes” or “No” will encourage your child to open up verbally.
• Look directly at your child and maintain frank, interested eye contact.
• Give importance to the tone of your voice, feelings and other aspects of body language.
• Allow your child to express his or her own feelings.
• If your child verbalizes a problem, curb your desire to set things right. Allow him to find solutions to his own problems – he may be merely sharing an experience.

4. Set Limits

A disciplined child grows up with a better sense of self esteem. It makes them more independent, and more in control over what happens to them. The assurance of rules, limits and boundaries helps children to gauge where they stand when they run into difficulties.

5. Help Your Child Set Goals

Guide your child in the setting of personal goals – and be there to help follow through and complete each undertaking. An undertaking can be simple at first and become complicated as it progresses.

When a child develops the ability to achieve its own goals, it develops confidence. The resultant self-esteem stems from the knowledge that they can have control over their lives.

Setting and achieving goals helps build self-esteem and confidence

6. Avoid Criticism

Try to maintain the level of criticism to a minimum. Genuine appreciation fosters positive behavior, while indiscriminate criticism lowers self-esteem.

7. Focus on Your Child’s Positive Attributes

Look for the positive aspects in your child’s behavior. There may be some attributes that you don’t like – if so, search for something positive and express your appreciation for them.

As a child, I was slow in certain areas… but my mother turned it into something positive by telling me the story of the hare and the tortoise, reassuring me that ‘slow and steady wins the race’!

8. Help Your Child Control Her Feelings

When your child is emotionally disturbed, here’s a handy tip to help her deal with it. Ask her to recall a fun thing that happened in the past with shut eyes. Then ask her to imagine that it is still going on.

This simple tip in emotion control can often take a child’s mind off the source of disturbance and make a decided difference. Remind her that whenever she feels bad about something, she can make herself feel better.

9. Respect Your Child

Parents or other significant adults that treat their children with respect nurture self esteem in them. This simply means that we need to let them know that we take their views and opinions seriously and that their feelings matter. Giving meaningful feedback is also important.

10. Be A Good Role-Model

Children learn by watching what we do, not by listening to what we say. You can’t teach a child skills that you yourself don’t possess. If you want your child to have healthy self-esteem, you need to have it yourself.

Do what you need to do to heal your own wounds and to foster a sense of self-esteem in yourself, and your child will follow your example.

In a wild world where everyone is out to trample each other’s toes, a child with healthy self-esteem will remain centered, balanced and sure of herself. In other words, the benefits of fostering a sense of self-worth our children will go a long way in helping them become healthy, well-adjusted adults.

Copyright © Leena Elizabeth Abraham

This article may be reproduced with the complete author bio and a live link back to http://www.lovingyourchild.com

Additional resources:

• Self Esteem For Children Today – Is today’s modern lifestyle destroying your child’s self-esteem? Awaken self esteem to greater heights.  Discover how you can boost your child’s self-esteem with immediate results that will amaze you and your child.
• Mini-Me Syndrome: No-Limits Kids – Unlock the door to a life of limitless possibilities for your children!  Teach them to realize their unique value, feel honored for who they are, maintain a positive mindset, have the confidence to reach for their dreams and achieve them. Your children will be able to live the life they were born to create without limiting beliefs interfering with what they truly want.
• Dishing With Your Daughters Home-Study Program – Girls and women are caught in a cycle that doesn’t allow them the freedom, nourishment and peace. This 7-step recipe will help you connect with your daughter and guide her toward healthy eating, a strong self-esteem & a positive body image.

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