Holiday Stress: Tips To Survive Thanksgiving With Your Family

By Sammy Holderman

The holidays should be a time of togetherness and love; a time for all to enjoy. And yet, each year, families who just think about getting together have flash backs to last year’s disaster and look forward with trepidation to this year’s.

But still, we get together and hope for the best, because that is what families do. They love each other with a determination that overcomes the fear that there will be a major food fight at the Thanksgiving table or that this year will be the year when Grandpa pulls his shotgun off the gun rack and goes postal.

In just about every family there is one person who will offer advice on everything from how to change the baby’s diaper to how to rebuild your car’s engine…because “I’ve been there and done that…and by the way…let me tell you the best way to do that.”

All of that constructive criticism just warms the cockles of your heart, right? Not even close! This person gets their jollies from baiting you and once you take the bait, showing your frustration or losing your temper, you’ve made them a happy person.

To disarm them and get your own licks in, just be the “nice guy”. Thank them for their advice. You can even point out something they may have overlooked when offering you such helpful advice, and then simply blow them off with a smile and a cheerful, “I’m fine, I’ve got it under control. Quit worrying.”

Every family also has their martyr. This is the person that insists that something has to be done in the kitchen while everyone else is sitting around the table, but when asked for help, usually breezily says, “No, I’ve got it. Just enjoy yourself…” only to go on and on later about the fact that they did all the work by themselves.

The only thing that you can do is offer, and if the offer isn’t accepted, don’t fret. But, when she starts carrying on about how she got up at 4 a.m. to put the bird in the oven and then had to mash the potatoes and get the relish trays set up and set the table….just cheerfully interrupt and say, “…which is why you deserve to relax for the rest of the day…” and get up and take over.

You can invite other help if you wish and make it impossible for the “martyr” to get back into the kitchen and most others who have recognized and are tired of her “martyrdom” will pitch right in to get the best of her.

One of two things will happen. She will either learn to enjoy herself a little, or will get ticked and insist on taking over. Regardless, you’ve done your part, by trying, rather than starting a feud by pointing out the fact that she is a martyr, which everyone already knows anyway.

The holidays should be enjoyable times with fond memories

And then there is the slacker. It may be your sister’s husband who sits on the couch and makes everyone else do the running; especially your sister. Or it may be your sister who stands around chatting rather than pitching in to help.

In his case, he is probably just a male-chauvinist you-know-what, which is something you’ve always had against him. The best course of action is to ignore it. Your sister obviously doesn’t do anything to help herself and may even get upset if you say something to her or, God forbid, to her husband.

Or, you can enlist his help. Chances are he’s not going to tell you to take a flying leap if you smile and tell him he could really help you out by taking out the trash, or how you would so appreciate it if he’d go upstairs and supervise the kids while they clean their room, or “Bob, could you come grab these chips and dip?”

Your sister might get the clue when she sees him hop up and do your bidding. In your sister’s case, just put her to work. Some people feel at a loss when there is frenzied activity around them or she may just not know HOW to help.

As she’s chatting, fill her arms with plates and ask her to set them on the table, or hand her a knife and an apple and ask her to slice it for you. Give her tasks that you know are not beyond her, smile as you ask her to help and then thank her profusely afterward.

The holidays should be enjoyable times with fond memories, not the subject of dread every year. It also helps to take a good look at your own behavior. It takes at least two to argue and if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. Enjoy this time with your family. One or more of them may not be there with you next year.

© Sammy Holderman has a large family, having 7 children and 14 grandchildren. Get-togethers rarely have everyone in the same house, but sometimes it happens that way. Amazingly, her family always seems to be on their best behavior and she has gone from “martyr” to “I don’t care how it’s done as long as you help”. Sammy also shares her love of gardening with her family. They get to reap what she sows. She plants everything from onion plants to organic garden seeds and shares it all. She also preserves what they can’t eat right away. Sammy has found that Garden Harvest Supply is her favorite online “go-to” place for her garden needs. Shopping online saves her time and money.

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