Life Skills For Children: Two Key Areas Parents Don’t Prepare Their Kids For Adulthood

Being a parent brings with it the responsibility to prepare our children for adulthood. While every parent knows this, some of those parents are better equipped than others to help their children with this preparation for the inevitable.

This is not a judgment on those parents who leave their children ill-prepared, rather an observation of the damage that can be caused to those children in their adult loves.

This is not a deliberate plot by parents to raise their beloved children to be unprepared; it’s usually a case of absentmindedly passing on bad habits and learned behavior from generation to generation.

My name is Mumtaz Hussain and I believe that our children are very impressionable, with minds like sponges just ready to soak up everything around them. Two key areas where parents often pass on their own bad habits to their children are:

1. Money Habits and Beliefs

How many times do we hear parents say things like “There isn’t any money”, “We can’t afford it”, or “That’s too expensive”. Those three simple little phrases, or variations of them, all basically mean a big fat “no”.

I daresay they’ve been repeated by parents many times over, until the message has been firmly drummed into the impressionable minds of millions of children. The damage may not seem apparent at first, and in fact the immediate effect will be just what the parents want – the little one will (eventually) stop asking.

But in the long-term the pattern is set for a poverty-mentality to dominate in relation to money and finance and ultimately around the issue of deserving. At a more profound level this can create the breeding ground for low self-esteem and lack of confidence.

Repeatedly saying “no” and giving your child little or no hope of ever eventually owning the desired item can also take on a more sinister twist and create a secretive and devious mindset in the youngster. Saying “no” is always no, however you phrase it, and it shuts off the mind’s creativity.

We want our children to be successful and happy, yet we choose to inadvertently stifle a key aspect of their personal growth by teaching them mental patterns which, on closer inspection, did not serve us well, and which in turn will not assist our
children in learning good money habits.

My recommendation is to generate a “how to” attitude around money and get our children to ask, ”How can I buy that new iPhone?” rather than “I cant afford to buy the iPhone”.

As a slight digression, at the time of writing the iPhone 4 was the gadget to have. If you’re reading this and we’re up to the iPhone 404, then, Hello World, the fact that this article is still relevant shows how crucially important it still is to change this aspect of parental responsibility.

Asking “how” immediately gets the mind working on all the options available to achieve the goal of securing ownership of the wanted item. It gets your child accustomed to the virtue of patience whilst keeping their eye on the prize.

Learning social skills is essential for kids to have healthy relationships

2. Relationship and Social Skills

As adults, we inevitably reach that turning point in our lives when we realize that all of life is about relationships. Combine this realization with the awareness of the bad habits we may unwittingly be passing on to our children, and teaching our children valuable social skills and lessons about relationships becomes much easier.

Consider for a moment the most recent conversation you had with your partner or spouse, or any other adult you care to name, and then consider the potential impact of that conversation upon your child, had they been listening. Would it have left them with a healthy mindset or not?

Were you respectful of each other, or talking over each other disrespectfully? Was there an equal opportunity to share in a fair exchange of opinions or was it a delivery of a monologue? Did you trade nasty insults?

Now fast forward 20 years or so and ask yourself how you would feel while witnessing your child repeating the same conversation? Would you be a proud parent? Who knows…perhaps you would; only you can gauge that.

There are so many positive and healthy things we can (and indeed must) teach our children about social interactions and relationships, but some of the fundamental ways we can role-model desirable behavior and go about teaching kids social skills are:

• respect for oneself and for others
• respecting others’ boundaries, even when you don’t understand them or agree with them
• balance and fairness
• trust and trustworthiness
• kindness
• loyalty
• honesty, openness and the importance of good communication.

I think if we start teaching children social skills and get these relationship basics into their minds, they will be more than adequately prepared for a lifetime of happy, healthy relationships.

The patterns that we demonstrate as adults become ingrained into our children’s minds as representative of what is normal and acceptable. And then our children take those patterns and repeat them in their own lives.

When our children are young, their capacity to evaluate and discard the bits of life’s experience that do not serve them is not yet developed. They have no frame of reference other than the adults around them so the responsibility on us as parents is huge as far as the two key areas of social skills and money habits are concerned.

© Mumtaz Hussain is a mum, a lawyer and a business woman. You can learn more about her at http://todaymumtaz.blogspot.com

This article may be reproduced with the complete author bio and a live link back to http://www.lovingyourchild.com

Additional resources:

Inspired Children: Life Skills for Kids – Weekly step-by-step guide to teaching essential life skills to children aged 4-14 yrs in just 15 minutes at a time. Topics include: self esteem, communication, nutrition, exercise, cleanliness. Perfect for Parents, Teachers, Grandparents.
The 9-Week HomeSchool Entrepreneur Course – The first course of it’s kind to teach your teen not only how to start a business, but how to recognize opportunities in the marketplace AND develop an entrepreneurial mind. Teach your teen the basics of entrepreneurship so they can start a business, and earn high school credit.
Social .Skills For Kids – What you need to know to help your child improve social skills and win friends for life. Learn the best way to empower your child in overcoming social challenges.