Divorced Dads, Here’s How To Be A Great Father To Your Kids

It’s a pity that our society labels a father as a dead beat parent just because he’s divorced. There are a lot of amazing divorced fathers out there and we can learn a lot from them.

Keeping It Close

Children do suffer a lot as a consequence of divorce. From irate parents, to separation anxiety, it’s a tough world out there for children whose parents are divorced or getting divorced.

Preserving a relationship with the kids needs sacrifice and maturity on the part of both parents. Both have to be able to set aside their differences to inspect the damage they have caused to their children. More often than not parents get so caught up in their own emotional pain that they fail to notice that their children suffer even more than they do.

Studies show that when both parents make conscious efforts to stay close to each other have more successful and stable children. When parents separate their relationship from those with their kids, they tend to create a more harmonious relationship.

Statistics clearly shows that children whose parents are divorced have healthier and more mature relationships when their parents make a conscious effort to preserve a feeling of family. Emotional upheaval cannot be avoided, but a keener inspection of the kids showed that those whose parents stated and lived close have a healthier disposition emotionally and mentally.

The study asserts that divorce does affect children, but the way parents treat each other and the distance they live from their children does have a significant impact on their child’s success. It is difficult to make friends with an ex wife after all that’s been said and done, but it will be more difficult for you as a divorced dad when you see your children suffer the consequences of your action.

Accountability And Choice

How often do we hear kids tell their parents that they were never asked, or that they were never given a choice? Alienation begins when parents exclude kids because they think their children won’t understand.

It is true however that some things are better kept between yourselves as a couple or ex-couple, but you have to learn to segregate. Identify which decisions should be discussed with your kids, but keep intimate details to yourself.

Giving your kids the opportunity to decide the visitation schedule gives them a sense of empowerment. They need to feel wanted. It is quite unfortunate that the parent who does not have primary custody gets bad press especially with the kids.

When the kids call the shots, they feel like they still have value in your life. Acknowledge that your children may not be as immature as your think. Despite being kids they have a sense of ownership. Let them decide anything regarding their belongings.

Make the effort to show your child that you love them each day

Mom vs. Dad

Alienation commonly arises when both exes blame each other for everything that goes wrong with their lives, from financial to personal issues. When this happens, the children sometimes become a tool to try and hurt each other.

As the father you have to spot this sign and modify your behavior immediately. Always be level headed and reasonable. If your ex does not want to be flexible or finds an excuse to keep your child away from you, try and talk things over calmly with her.

Asking your kids to choose between the two of you is the cardinal sin of divorce. Doing so can be traumatic to your child, and become something that your child may require extensive therapy to recover from.

Instilling Discipline

Children may also use the divorce and the lack of agreement between their parents as an opportunity to manipulate the situation to their benefit and get what they want. Don’t fall into this trap and buy their love and loyalty with goodies, gifts and permission to do things the other parent forbids.

Instead you can earn their respect using firm and consistent discipline. Your way of setting things straight may be used against you, so watch out.

If your kids calmly tell you that they don’t really remember one time when you were there as a father, then you might suspect that your spouse has demeaned you in front of the kids. All you can do is to prove her wrong with your actions.

Preventing Alienation

A sense of alienation often occurs during and after the divorce. It is important that as the father, you try to prevent this from happening. As a divorced dad it is your right and responsibility to safeguard your relationship with your children.

Here are a few symptoms of alienation: A possible adoption or change of name, special signs and secret signals, kids anger towards demeaned parent for no apparent reason, interrupted visitation rights, making unreasonable demands, over protective ex.

It’s possible that you may also be responsible for causing alienation, so at no time should you make promises you cannot keep. As a divorced dad, it is your responsibility, to have the maturity of taking the first step to break the ice and stay close.

This article may be reprinted with a live link to www.lovingyourchild.com

Divorce Guides:

Smart Divorce: Parent Happy, Healthy Kids – Outlines a step-by-step holistic approach on how to help your children not to just survive, but thrive. The return of hope to your children’s lives is the greatest gift you can give them. Even if it’s been years since the divorce, it’s not too late to begin the healing.
The Secret to a Friendly Divorce – The divorce book you want your soon-to-be ex to read. Your personal guide to a cooperative, affordable, and out-of-court settlement. It shows you a surprisingly simple way to discuss money with your soon-to-be ex without stirring up trouble and without making your divorce harder than it has to be.
Co-parenting Nightmare – Are you co-parenting with someone who is crazy, diagnosed with mental illness or a substance abuser? Are you constantly in court fighting over child custody or visitation issues? Learn strategies to help you and your children cope with a tough situation.