There is a lot of negativity that surrounds Facebook, and this leaves many people wondering if it is alright for their children. What type of impact does Facebook actually have on kids?

Negative Impact Of Facebook

We are going to review both sides of the fence since the argument has been presented in both a positive and negative light. Before we get into discussing the negative side effects it is important to point out that most of these negative side effects do not simply come from using Facebook but more of an overuse.

These negative side effects generally present themselves in kids that are overly exposed to Facebook not the ones that use it leisurely to check-in with their friends.

Here is a list of some of the common psychological and educational side effects that can become present when a child is exposed to Facebook a little too much:

• Self-centered

It is one thing to put yourself first in your decisions, but it is a completely different thing when you think the entire world revolves around you. Children that are overly exposed to Facebook have a tendency to have more self-centered or narcissistic traits.

• Anti-social Behaviors

Children and adults that suffer from anti-social behavioral issues have a tendency to commit actions without considering how the outcome will affect their peers.

Since Facebook often hides a lot of the reactions from an individual they often develop anti-social behaviors when their main form of communication is conducted through Facebook.

• Illness

Children that are overly exposed to technology of any kind including computers, television, or video games have a tendency to become ill more often.

• Low Test Scores

Teens who overdose on Facebook often have a lower reading retention and have a tendency to receive lower test scores.

Positive Impact Of Facebook

Now that we have you scared enough that you want to run and hide your child’s computer there are also some positive aspects for your child having aspect to Facebook.

Here is a list of some of the positive aspects that were discovered in children that had regular access to Facebook:

• Empathy

Children had a tendency to be more empathetic toward others by offering encouraging words. This has helped to improve happiness among this age group. Children that receive an encouraging word online are much happier.

• Socialization

Children that are often too shy to engage in conversation found it much easier to join in on a discussion via Facebook.

• Self-awareness

Many children struggle, especially through their teen years, with their identity. The fact that Facebook offers a place for your child to create a page where they can list information that they find important such as likes, dislikes, favorite movies, books, or music, and other interests forces your child to think about these things and in turn helps them become more self-aware.

It is important to understand that most of the negative side-effects come simply from overuse. It is the too much of a good thing mentality. Do not try to eliminate the use of Facebook by your child for they will most likely simply find a way to do it anyway and it will just hurt your relationship with them.

Just limit the amount that they are able to use it. Agree to allow them to have an account as long as they follow your rules in regards to it. It is a great way to try and maximize the positive side-effects, but limit the negative ones.

Author Bio: The writer of this article is Jason Phillips who is an expert writer. He spent most of his free time on Facebook and playing games online with his son. Their favorite site to play games is www.snipergames365.com

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In the film, Sadie, a recently minted, angsty teen, struggles with self-patrolling the time she spends streaming Lost, and being bullied by and flirting with a boy from her class. When her parents cut her off from her digital toys and spy on her conversations, she erupts in a tantrum that only Mount Vesuvius could counter.

Although everything ends up well, good and funny for Sadie and her lovable family, it doesn’t always happen that way in real life. Teens online face growing problems that generations past couldn’t even comprehend, from anonymous cyber-bullying to identity theft, and its up to us as parents to be role models and educators.

Use Guidelines

A survey by Knowledge Network found that only about 41 percent of parents pay attention to and monitor what their kids do online. Because kids tend not to be the best decision makers on their own, allowing them free reign over the vastest and also most twisted network of information ever compiled is probably not a good idea.

Aside from being targeted by predators and bullies, according to Lifelock.org, targeting youth for identity theft is a growing problem. More than 40 percent of children will experience cyberbullying, and more than 80 percent of children have already witnessed cyberbullying, according to Dosomething.org.

While its not always possible to curb or prevent your children from being affected by this negative behavior, monitoring your childrens practices and curbing their computer or smartphone use is a good way to start teaching them positive Internet-use practices, ranging from dealing with bullies to ID theft protection.

Be an Example

Its a lot easier to rule your children with an iron fist than it is to practice what you preach. When you go out of your way to create and enforce proper Internet behavior within your family, its important that you also apply it to yourself. The vortex of social media and hours of mindless browsing can suck just about anyone in.

Look at your own online trends. Are you wasting hours on gossip sites and Facebook updates that arent proactive or educational? If so, perhaps you should also apply those Internet limitations to yourself. Only allowing yourself to browse for proactive reasons and limiting idle time spent could free up time for you to bond with your kids!

Open Communication

Even if you set immovably firm boundaries and lead by a perfect example, the odds are your child is going to come across something disturbing, hurtful, or damaging anyway. When that happens, its important to establish a safe place for open communication.

Dont hesitate to ask them what theyre doing or who theyre talking to. If they seem distant or suddenly hurt, dig deep and take the time to explain to them the difference between real life and the online world and how even if someone hurts their feelings now, it wont matter in the grand scheme of life.

While every case of online victimization is different, the perpetrators are generally people who have their own self-esteem issues.

Stopcyberbullyingnow.org features a buffet of ideas and insights on how to deal with cyberbullying and patrolling online trends. While every situation might not end as perfectly or hilariously as a movie, taking some steps to provide knowledge, comfort and insight will help soften the harsh blow of the online world.

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In these days of inflation, your salary might not be enough to cover all expenses from simple home purchases, utility bills to loans and credit cards, and you may have to think of ways to address your family’s needs and finances, especially if you already have one or more kids.

One way to save on the things that you buy is by taking advantage of discounts and product offers available, such as discounts on baby products. But if you are a mom, you might not be able to keep track of stores and mall offers because of the other responsibilities you have at home.

However, you can take advantage of the convenience of shopping online and save a lot of cash on your purchases with online discount sites like CouponDunia.in. Just do a few minutes browsing here can help you save a lot more than you expected!

Online discount stores and coupon houses offer a lot by way of concessions to many of their users and have attracted a large following. Providing big discounts and promotional coupons, CouponDunia.in is an online discount store that offers money off on a wide array products from jewelry, watches, electronics, home, restaurants to baby products.

Applicable not only e-merchants, you can also grab great markdowns on leading online malls in India. Some online stores that offer coupons and product discount codes through CouponDunia are Ebay.com, Yebhi.com, Snapdeal, Zovi, Jabong and Pepperfry.

Started in Mumbai, CouponDunia has become one of the fast-growing online discount coupon providers in India. Product retailers and even service providers like travel sites take advantage of its significant following online to serve up a delectable range of offers. For those who love online shopping, it’s a veritable delight.

A Reliable Discount House

CouponDunia.in’s editors monitor their offers regularly to ensure that coupon codes are working. This guarantees convenience to online shoppers and saves them from hassles of coupon codes being denied, browser problems and other online potential issues.

A Wide Selection of Discounts

Whether you’re on the lookout for kid’s product discounts and promos, CouponDunia offers several discounts in a number of sections below and even great steals on branded items.

Flipkart. Using the FlipKart Promo Code, online shoppers can grab several discounts on footwear, books and other items. You should also keep an eye open for perks like getting free delivery of your purchased items for orders amounting to the cost required.

Babyoye. This section maximizes your chances to get discounts on baby products. Get discounts on diapers, toys, traditional wears and even branded items like United Colors of Benetton. Just use the Babyoye Coupons and you’re set! You can even get great deals like buy one get one offer. A sure way to enjoy your shopping experience by saving significant amount of money on essential baby supplies.

FirstCry. If you haven’t recovered yet financially from the hospital bills you had to pay after pregnancy, the FirstCry section allows you to save a lot on a wide variety of infant and baby products. Seize the opportunity to get discounts on feeding bottles, nursing items, apparels, footwear and even toys! The FirstCry Coupon Code is your key to snatch discounts as big as 50% percent on the items featured on the site.

Aside from surfing the sections above to steal great savings, you can also subscribe using the Email Subscription feature on the site to keep you updated on the offers. No spam. No scams. Just great offers and savings.

Using online discount coupon sites like CouponDunia.in is definitely a good way to save money especially in times like these. Even if you have the money to splurge, you can keep the savings to use on other things. Besides, who would not want to pay a cheaper price for things they have to buy anyway?

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There is nothing like it when kids get a chance to play the role of their favorite cartoon character. Children love to fantasize even about their cartoon characters. Cartoon games, which include activities like coloring their favorite cartoon characters attracts kids, too.

They may enjoy playing such games for fun, but there are some kinds of games that actually help them learn a lot. Here are a few of the best online games that help kids learn.

Holiday Design Workshop

This is a popular game which helps a child create his or her own holiday cards. The game provides the player with a canvas and some options like paint brush, fill colour signs and symbols, which he or she can use to design a card.

The game even has the option to include a message, as well as get it printed so that a kid can print his or her message to the person for whom they’ve created the card, as well as gift it to the person.

This game not only helps children reveal their imagination but enhances their creativity. At the same time, they learn how to design a card.

Tom and Jerry Color-In

This online game includes your children’s favorite cartoon characters – Tom and Jerry. And this is what makes the game even more popular. The game, as is evident from its name, involves the activity of colouring , and provides a picture of Tom as well as Jerry with a palette of colors that a child can choose from.

Apart from helping the kid color their favorite cartoon characters from their imagination, the game even assists them is experimenting with different shades of colors, which helps them get a better understanding of color combinations.

Level Up : Personality Quiz

Being a quiz-based online game, this is a favorite online game for kids. The game provides kids with a series of questions, which the players needs to answer to proceed to identify which of the level up characters he or she is like.

While answering the questions, kids learn about their strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, while the game helps a child be true to their selves and learn to be honest as well.

Creepy Castle

This online game is mainly based on the cartoon character, Scooby Doo. While playing Creepy Castle, the player helps his or her favorite cartoon character Scooby Doo come out of the castle, as well as prevent the ghost from scaring him. The game helps a child learn fine motor skills, as well as enhances his or her cognitive development.

Mid-Flight Snack

This game is a part of the “Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends”. While playing the game, a child experiences gravitational effects and learns how they work. The game involves choosing the time of making imaginary friends jump over, to get the major portion of the flying snacks. Besides developing the strategic thinking of a child, it even helps them learn a basic knowledge of mechanics and physics.

Author Bio:

Donna Baxter is a freelance writer based in the UK. Donna enjoys writing about free online games for kids games and has tried many of them out as well. Donna is a fiction fan and can usually be found reading a good book when not working.

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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When you have a child, you need to remember that your kids can now find this information. There’s no such thing as true privacy, because once something is online it’s there forever, even if it’s “deleted” or it’s posted on an account you believe you be private.

To be a great parent, you need to make sure that your web presence is as safe as possible, so that when your kid is old enough to Google you, you can be proud of the results that they find.

How to Prepare Your Web Presence

•  Stop Posting Private Things

I spoke with a young woman awhile back. She was posting rants with numerous expletives about the people she meets, and several photos of her in attractive poses in her bikini. I asked her why she posted these things in public and her answer was “my friends want updates on my life.”

This is the most likely reason that people post private information online, and it’s a misguided one. No one needs to hear the private things that have happened to you in your life, nor do they need to see you in suggestive photos. Maybe they enjoy watching you share this information, but they don’t “need it.”

So stop. Stop posting things that you don’t want your children to read. If you really need to vent, call a close friend or two or vent on the phone. If you want someone to see you looking attractive, invite them over for a romantic night together.

Don’t post pictures of you drinking, smoking, and doing drugs unless you’re okay with your child doing it too. None of these are things that anyone else needs to see or hear in digital form. There are ample more private places to share this information.

• Create a Better Web Presence

There are often things you can’t control. If you broke the law, for example, you can’t clear your record and erase your past from the Internet.

But what you can do is create a professional web presence your child can be proud of. You can do this by keeping everything you do online as clean and professional as possible – this includes your Facebook and Twitter pages.

You can create a professional website or two dedicated to your accomplishments, guest post on relevant websites related to your field of study or your career, or you can register for the types of social media sites that indicate adult behavior, like LinkedIn.

You cannot necessarily prevent your child from finding out information on you, but at least you can improve the general information they see when they search for your name.

• Google Yourself, Delete What You Can

Finally, search for yourself early and often, and see what you can get deleted. Everything you post online stays online. Everything. Even if you delete it, it doesn’t go away.

But if you delete it, you can make it much, much harder for your child to find the information, and that’s still in your benefit. Never assume your child can’t still find it, but at the very least they’ll need to be trying long and hard to get access to any of that cached information.

Maintaining a Healthy Web Presence

There’s a lot that goes into raising your child. Don’t let what you’ve decided to share on the Internet get in the way of all the hard work you put in every day.

Maintain a better web presence so that your child finds encouraging information whenever they Google you.

About the Author:

Ryan Rivera understands the value of a good web presence. He writes primarily about anxiety and anxiety cures at www.calmclinic.com

Internet Safety Utilities:

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• KidsWatch™ Parental Control Software – Safeguard your child’s’ Internet experience and maximize the efficiency of the time they spend on the computer.
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Must reading for every parent. Find out why saying “Good job!” creates many negative consequences for your child.

Hang out at a playground, visit a school, or show up at a child’s birthday party, and there’s one phrase you can count on hearing repeatedly: “Good job!”

Even tiny infants are praised for smacking their hands together (“Good clapping!”). Many of us blurt out these judgments of our children to the point that it has become almost a verbal tic.

Plenty of books and articles advise us against relying on punishment, from spanking to forcible isolation (“time out”). Occasionally someone will even ask us to rethink the practice of bribing children with stickers or food. But you’ll have to look awfully hard to find a discouraging word about what is euphemistically called positive reinforcement.

Lest there be any misunderstanding, the point here is not to call into question the importance of supporting and encouraging children, the need to love them and hug them and help them feel good about themselves. Praise, however, is a different story entirely. Here’s why.

1. Manipulating children.

Suppose you offer a verbal reward to reinforce the behavior of a two-year-old who eats without spilling, or a five-year-old who cleans up her art supplies. Who benefits from this? Is it possible that telling kids they’ve done a good job may have less to do with their emotional needs than with our convenience?

Rheta DeVries, a professor of education at the University of Northern Iowa, refers to this as “sugar-coated control.” Very much like tangible rewards – or, for that matter, punishments – it’s a way of doing something to children to get them to comply with our wishes.

It may be effective at producing this result (at least for a while), but it’s very different from working with kids – for example, by engaging them in conversation about what makes a classroom (or family) function smoothly, or how other people are affected by what we have done — or failed to do.

The latter approach is not only more respectful but more likely to help kids become thoughtful people. The reason praise can work in the short run is that young children are hungry for our approval. But we have a responsibility not to exploit that dependence for our own convenience.

A “Good job!” to reinforce something that makes our lives a little easier can be an example of taking advantage of children’s dependence. Kids may also come to feel manipulated by this, even if they can’t quite explain why.

2. Creating praise junkies.

To be sure, not every use of praise is a calculated tactic to control children’s behavior. Sometimes we compliment kids just because we’re genuinely pleased by what they’ve done.

Even then, however, it’s worth looking more closely. Rather than bolstering a child’s self-esteem, praise may increase kids’ dependence on us.

The more we say, “I like the way you..” or “Good ______ing,” the more kids come to rely on our evaluations, our decisions about what’s good and bad, rather than learning to form their own judgments. It leads them to measure their worth in terms of what will lead us to smile and dole out some more approval.

Mary Budd Rowe, a researcher at the University of Florida, discovered that students who were praised lavishly by their teachers were more tentative in their responses, more apt to answer in a questioning tone of voice (“Um, seven?”).

They tended to back off from an idea they had proposed as soon as an adult disagreed with them. And they were less likely to persist with difficult tasks or share their ideas with other students.

In short, “Good job!” doesn’t reassure children; ultimately, it makes them feel less secure. It may even create a vicious circle such that the more we slather on the praise, the more kids seem to need it, so we praise them some more.

Sadly, some of these kids will grow into adults who continue to need someone else to pat them on the head and tell them whether what they did was OK. Surely this is not what we want for our daughters and sons.

3. Stealing a child’s pleasure.

Apart from the issue of dependence, a child deserves to take delight in her accomplishments, to feel pride in what she’s learned how to do. She also deserves to decide when to feel that way. Every time we say, “Good job!”, though, we’re telling a child how to feel.

To be sure, there are times when our evaluations are appropriate and our guidance is necessary — especially with toddlers and preschoolers. But a constant stream of value judgments is neither necessary nor useful for children’s development.

Unfortunately, we may not have realized that “Good job!” is just as much an evaluation as “Bad job!” The most notable feature of a positive judgment isn’t that it’s positive, but that it’s a judgment. And people, including kids, don’t like being judged.

I cherish the occasions when my daughter manages to do something for the first time, or does something better than she’s ever done it before. But I try to resist the knee-jerk tendency to say, “Good job!” because I don’t want to dilute her joy.

I want her to share her pleasure with me, not look to me for a verdict. I want her to exclaim, “I did it!” (which she often does) instead of asking me uncertainly, “Was that good?”

Rather than bolstering a child's self-esteem, praise may increase kids' dependence on us.

4. Losing interest.

“Good painting!” may get children to keep painting for as long as we keep watching and praising. But, warns Lilian Katz, one of the country’s leading authorities on early childhood education, “once attention is withdrawn, many kids won’t touch the activity again.”

Indeed, an impressive body of scientific research has shown that the more we reward people for doing something, the more they tend to lose interest in whatever they had to do to get the reward. Now the point isn’t to draw, to read, to think, to create – the point is to get the goody, whether it’s an ice cream, a sticker, or a “Good job!”

In a troubling study conducted by Joan Grusec at the University of Toronto, young children who were frequently praised for displays of generosity tended to be slightly less generous on an everyday basis than other children were.

Every time they had heard “Good sharing!” or “I’m so proud of you for helping,” they became a little less interested in sharing or helping. Those actions came to be seen not as something valuable in their own right but as something they had to do to get that reaction again from an adult. Generosity became a means to an end.

Does praise motivate kids? Sure. It motivates kids to get praise. Alas, that’s often at the expense of commitment to whatever they were doing that prompted the praise.

5. Reducing achievement.

As if it weren’t bad enough that “Good job!” can undermine independence, pleasure, and interest, it can also interfere with how good a job children actually do.

Researchers keep finding that kids who are praised for doing well at a creative task tend to stumble at the next task – and they don’t do as well as children who weren’t praised to begin with.

Why does this happen? Partly because the praise creates pressure to “keep up the good work” that gets in the way of doing so. Partly because their interest in what they’re doing may have declined. Partly because they become less likely to take risks – a prerequisite for creativity – once they start thinking about how to keep those positive comments coming.

More generally, “Good job!” is a remnant of an approach to psychology that reduces all of human life to behaviors that can be seen and measured. Unfortunately, this ignores the thoughts, feelings, and values that lie behind behaviors.

For example, a child may share a snack with a friend as a way of attracting praise, or as a way of making sure the other child has enough to eat. Praise for sharing ignores these different motives. Worse, it actually promotes the less desirable motive by making children more likely to fish for praise in the future.

Once you start to see praise for what it is – and what it does – these constant little evaluative eruptions from adults start to produce the same effect as fingernails being dragged down a blackboard.

You begin to root for a child to give his teachers or parents a taste of their own treacle by turning around to them and saying (in the same saccharine tone of voice), “Good praising!” Still, it’s not an easy habit to break.

It can seem strange, at least at first, to stop praising; it can feel as though you’re being chilly or withholding something. But that, it soon becomes clear, suggests that we praise more because we need to say it than because children need to hear it.

Whenever that’s true, it’s time to rethink what we’re doing. What kids do need is unconditional support, love with no strings attached. That’s not just different from praise – it’s the opposite of praise.

“Good job!” is conditional. It means we’re offering attention and acknowledgement and approval for jumping through our hoops, for doing things that please us.

This point, you’ll notice, is very different from a criticism that some people offer to the effect that we give kids too much approval, or give it too easily. They recommend that we become more miserly with our praise and demand that kids “earn” it.

But the real problem isn’t that children expect to be praised for everything they do these days. It’s that we’re tempted to take shortcuts, to manipulate kids with rewards instead of explaining and helping them to develop needed skills and good values.

So what’s the alternative? That depends on the situation, but whatever we decide to say instead has to be offered in the context of genuine affection and love for who kids are rather than for what they’ve done.

When unconditional support is present, “Good job!” isn’t necessary; when it’s absent, “Good job!” won’t help.

If we’re praising positive actions as a way of discouraging misbehavior, this is unlikely to be effective for long. Even when it works, we can’t really say the child is now “behaving himself”; it would be more accurate to say the praise is behaving him.

The alternative is to work with the child, to figure out the reasons he’s acting that way. We may have to reconsider our own requests rather than just looking for a way to get kids to obey.

(Instead of using “Good job!” to get a four-year-old to sit quietly through a long class meeting or family dinner, perhaps we should ask whether it’s reasonable to expect a child to do so.)

We also need to bring kids in on the process of making decisions. If a child is doing something that disturbs others, then sitting down with her later and asking, “What do you think we can do to solve this problem?” will likely be more effective than bribes or threats.

It also helps a child learn how to solve problems and teaches that her ideas and feelings are important. Of course, this process takes time and talent, care and courage.

Tossing off a “Good job!” when the child acts in the way we deem appropriate takes none of those things, which helps to explain why “doing to” strategies are a lot more popular than “working with” strategies.

And what can we say when kids just do something impressive? Consider three possible responses:

• Say nothing. Some people insist a helpful act must be “reinforced” because, secretly or unconsciously, they believe it was a fluke. If children are basically evil, then they have to be given an artificial reason for being nice (namely, to get a verbal reward). But if that cynicism is unfounded – and a lot of research suggests that it is – then praise may not be necessary.
• Say what you saw. A simple, evaluation-free statement (“You put your shoes on by yourself” or even just “You did it”) tells your child that you noticed. It also lets her take pride in what she did. In other cases, a more elaborate description may make sense. If your child draws a picture, you might provide feedback – not judgment – about what you noticed: “This mountain is huge!” “Boy, you sure used a lot of purple today!”
• If a child does something caring or generous, you might gently draw his attention to the effect of his action on the other person: “Look at Abigail’s face! She seems pretty happy now that you gave her some of your snack.” This is completely different from praise, where the emphasis is on how you feel about her sharing.
• Talk less, ask more. Even better than descriptions are questions. Why tell him what part of his drawing impressed you when you can ask him what he likes best about it? Asking “What was the hardest part to draw?” or “How did you figure out how to make the feet the right size?” is likely to nourish his interest in drawing. Saying “Good job!”, as we’ve seen, may have exactly the opposite effect.

This doesn’t mean that all compliments, all thank-you’s, all expressions of delight are harmful. We need to consider our motives for what we say (a genuine expression of enthusiasm is better than a desire to manipulate the child’s future behavior) as well as the actual effects of doing so.

Are our reactions helping the child to feel a sense of control over her life — or to constantly look to us for approval? Are they helping her to become more excited about what she’s doing in its own right – or turning it into something she just wants to get through in order to receive a pat on the head.

It’s not a matter of memorizing a new script, but of keeping in mind our long-term goals for our children and watching for the effects of what we say. The bad news is that the use of positive reinforcement really isn’t so positive. The good news is that you don’t have to evaluate in order to encourage.

© 2001 Alfie Kohn

NOTE: An abridged version of this article was published in Parents magazine in May 2000 with the title “Hooked on Praise.” For a more detailed look at the issues discussed here, please see the books Punished by Rewards and Unconditional Parenting.

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At some stage between babyhood and toddlerhood, all babies develop a strong urge to assert their autonomy. You will recognize this moment in the first time your baby says “No” when you tell him or her to do something. You will probably find it rather amusing the first time – better steel yourself though.

This is just a sign of things to come. Very soon, you’re likely to find it tiresome being challenged time and again by your little tot, who is standing her ground and refusing to give in on increasing occasions.

Should you establish your authority by overpowering your kid, or should you concede ‘defeat’ in an attempt at keeping the peace? What you choose to do when you come to this crossroad will forever influence the way your child sees you. Do you want your children seeing you as being ‘bossy’ or ‘wimpy’?

If neither of these choices seems terribly attractive, you will need to find another way of dealing with the situation. Here are a few tips on how you can subtly – but deftly – avert a full-blown power struggle at home. All you need is a bit of tact, some craftiness and oodles of patience.

Recognize The Behavior For What It Is

It is important to realise that your child is not being recalcitrant or stubborn. Nor is she being rebellious just to get you all wound up. Well, rebellious maybe… but that’s only because from about the age of two children start developing their own individuality.

They begin forming their own opinions and making their own decisions. Being told what to do and what not to do does not go down very well with them, especially when this is in direct opposition to what they feel they should be allowed to do.

Clash Of The Titans

Does that mean you should allow children to have their own way? Certainly not! The trick lies in being able to side-step the power struggle. You ask your child if she is ready to go indoors. Your child knows she has to go in, but she still says “No”.

She has now thrown down the gauntlet, and it’s up to you whether you want to accept the challenge or not. Remember, though, that every challenge results in one person being the winner and the other one a loser.

is a situation you want to avoid at all costs. Imposing your authority on every occasion will crush her self-esteem. Nevertheless, if you let her get her way every time, you will soon have a tiny little despot who will want her own way every time on your hands.

The Fine Line Between Empowering And Overpowering

The next time you ask your child to do something and your resolute child decides to ‘hold my breath till I explode’ in opposition, try not to explode before your child does.

On the other hand, do not panic and give in immediately, either – even if your child looks hell-bent on carrying out her threat. Don’t let that breath-holding act get to you. Once your child lets out that pent-up steam, she will be fine.

A little tact and patience can help avoid power struggles

You will notice that the breath-holding act will almost always follow an order. Why not change track?

The next time, when you feel your child is likely to throw a tantrum when you ask her to come indoors, brush her teeth or clean up her room, don’t order her to do so. Instead, give her a choice.

Let’s assume your child’s evening schedule includes going out to play for a short while, followed by homework, half an hour of television and then bed.

If she chooses to stay out longer, tell her she will have to forego her favourite TV programme, but that the homework WILL be done.

This way, you give your child the power to choose while still making sure that your rules are not broken. If she throws a tantrum and threatens to ‘hold her breath’ at having to miss her programme, let her!

Most parents make the mistake of giving in at this point, mostly because they are just plain tired of it all by then. Therein lies the problem – children immediately pick up on such weak spots. The next time, you can expect a full-blown power struggle.

How To Give Your Child Choices

When giving choices, you need to ensure that all the choices you offer your child will affect that particular child only, and nobody else. If the whole family is at a restaurant and your child refuses to settle down, you may not want to give her the choice of ‘behaving or leaving the restaurant’.

If she chooses the latter, it would be unfair to the rest of the family. Giving your child the choice of ‘behaving or leaving’ would work great at the dinner table at home, but it would not be appropriate in a restaurant.

The Importance Of Empowering Your Child

Everyone wants to feels powerful, irrespective of age or gender. When you constantly impose your authority with a ‘my way or the highway’ attitude, you foster a sense of powerlessness in your child.

All children will react to this in either of two ways – they will either learn to give in constantly and ultimately become meek and submissive, or they will start harbouring a sense of resentment and ultimately revenge.

Neither of these attitudes is healthy or nurturing. What’s worse, these attitudes will, over time, become a habitual trait and that influences how your child deals with her peers right through childhood into adulthood.

It is from the way that you deal with this power struggle that your child will learn to be submissive to every request or rebellious to every order. However, children who subtly imbibe the fine art of negotiation will have picked up a valuable tool that will stand them in good stead in every sphere of life.

© Diana D’Souza is a freelance writer based in Pune.

This article may be reprinted with attribution to the author and a link back to www.lovingyourchild.com

Parenting Courses on Discipline:

• Talking to Toddlers: Dealing with the Terrible Twos and Beyond – Whether it’s the Terrible Twos or preschooler problems, learn these critical language skills to reduce parenting stress fast. High quality audio course for stressed-out parents of children aged 2 and above. Created by an expert in NLP and Ericksonian Hypnosis.
• Behavior Breakdown Solutions: Control Temper Tantrums In Older Children – An e-book and audio package that offers non-punitive solutions to such destructive behaviors as lying, stealing, defiance, self-mutilation, encopresis, temper tantrums, and more. Ideal for foster and adoptive parents and educators.
• How to Handle Your Difficult Defiant Teenager – A new revolutionary program that reveals step-by-step how to eliminate your teenager’s disobedience, anger, and rebellion. This program is a downloadable video version of our teen behavior program, for children 12 and older. It will show you how to take care of the problems that you are experiencing with your teenager step-by-step. The problem is that most parents of rude, rebellious, defiant teenagers want to regain control — they just don’t know how. And it seems the harder that you try, the more your teenager “acts-out.” In this program we discuss 79 common problems parents have with their teenagers and you will learn how to handle them all.

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Of all the ages kids go through, adolescence is by far the toughest one. Yet, when we are older, we look back on those days rather fondly. The first time we bunked college, the first crush, the first ‘real’ love… and countless other, never-to-be-forgotten ‘firsts’.

After spending years in their parents’ care, children on the teenage threshold start experiencing life in new colours. Suddenly, everything seems new and exciting. However, the excitement and the newness are coupled with an existential crisis and some hallmark questions:

• “Who am I?”
• “What am I doing here?”
• “Is this what I want?”
• “Why doesn’t anybody understand me?”

The Classic Plot

All parents who think their kids have magically transformed into mini-monsters as soon they have hit their teens need to read the above paragraph again. We were teenagers ourselves once, and we went through the same angst that our children now experience.

Yet, times have changed – and so has the face of rebellion. Anita Sharma, now 62, remembers stealing mangoes from a neighbour’s farm as a teenager. Her younger sister Usha, now 55, remembers talking with a ‘boy’ at school – a strict no-no back then.

Ravi Iyer, now 40, remembers bunking college and watching ‘English’ movies. Today, cell phones and micro-minis are newest forms of non-conformity. It’s almost like a Shakespearean plot that has been redone and rewritten hundreds of times while the beginning, middle and end remain constant.

• Sapna Shah, parent of a 13-year-old says, “My daughter has changed a lot. She used to be a quiet child. Nowadays, she has become stubborn and adamant. She gets angry very often, and sometimes I don’t know how to handle her!”
• Rama says his 15-year-old son is too demanding, and he resignedly gives in most of the time.
• Divya, parent of a 14-year-old says, “No matter how much you try, they will do what they want to do. I mostly leave it to God, since I know I can’t do anything about it.”
• Kumar, father of a 16-year-old says, “My son spends most of his time in front of the mirror, applying face creams and styling his hair. I don’t understand what is up with him!”

The story is pretty much the same in most households. It often seems like a boxing ring, with parents on one side and teenagers on the other.

The ‘Mother Bird’ Theory

Dr. Minnu R. Bhonsle, a psychotherapist and counsellor associated with the Heart To Heart Counselling Centre in Mumbai, says, “Puberty, also called the ‘Age of Reason’, is when we start questioning the rules handed down to us by adults.”

“This period of existential crisis is natural – when a child attains puberty, he or she is basically ready to reproduce and ensure the continuity of life. The questioning and self-enquiry is a part of becoming self-dependant and able to shoulder the implied responsibility.”

In India, the parents-children bond is extremely strong – by habit, culture and emotions, parents find it difficult to let go of their little ones. Worse still, they subconsciously believe that their offspring never grow up.

15-year-old Naina says, “What’s the big deal about being an adolescent? I don’t like it! My parents don’t understand me. My mother scolds me in front of others. I wish they would treat me like a big girl.”

Most parents view adolescence as an unfortunate occurrence. For many years, they made the rules and their children obeyed unquestioningly.

Now, however, their children have the mental capacity to question these rules – and their parents need to present clear, logical reasoning for them. This makes them uncomfortable, and they see it as a rebellion.

Dr. Bhonsle says, “We need to think of the mother bird that pecks the fledgling to leave the nest. Although it hurts the fledgling for a while, it is important for its autonomous existence – so that it can fly off and make its own little nest.

However, we never seem to want to retire from parenting – this makes our children dependent on us. They grow up to be mamma’s little boys and papa’s little girls. Later on, this even affects their married lives.”

What we need is a change in attitude – from an autocratic way of thinking to a democratic one.

“If the general home environment is more autocratic than democratic and children do not have the freedom to say, think and do things they like, a rebellion is natural,” says Dr. Bhonsle.

“Instead of seeing our teens as rebels without a cause, we should welcome this change and allow the process of questioning. It helps them grow into psychologically autonomous adults.”

Putting teenagers (and, in fact, all children) in a situation where they cannot ask questions and must conform instead is a serious parenting mistake.

Arun Noronha, now 31, remembers being very confused as a teenager. “I could not figure out if was an adult or a child! When it came to household chores, my parents would tell me that I was a ‘big boy’. But whenever I would place uncomfortable queries, they would say that I was too young to be asking such questions! Although I can laugh at it now, I remember being highly frustrated back then…”

Most parents would argue that their teens’ demands are unrealistic – but doesn’t realism come with age? Consider 14-year-old Dhruv, who gets fired by his mother for long phone calls. “I love talking to my friends. I cannot share the same things with my family. Why don’t they understand?” he asks.

A few parents we spoke to said that they try hard to communicate with their children, but are unable to. Dr. Bhonsle believes that if a communicative environment was not encouraged in earlier childhood, kids will need time to start talking. This is why it is crucial that they be treated as ‘mini-adults’ right from childhood.

Dr Bhonsle explains, “Healthy parenting is about listening to their views patiently and then voicing your own views. Your views should be accompanied by correct logical explanations and evidence. Once you have put your opinions on the table, let the child process them and decide for himself.”

Of course, in case of bigger issues such as drugs, stealing and addictions, parents should see a counsellor and take family therapy. Also, parents have the benefit of experience.

We know what our children will go through once they hit their teens. We can therefore inform and educate them about the changes that their bodies and minds will go through and make the transition easier for them.

Besides, they will also realise that we, as parents, can understand and relate to their situation. When teenage arrives, they can then consider us friends, not enemies. It is also significant that parents often tend to pass on their own unresolved issues to their children.

As Dr. Bhonsle says, “Sometimes, parents are emotional kids themselves – their own angst and unhealed areas need to be fixed first. If the parents as a couple have issues themselves, their children may ‘play them off’ against the other. They will also look for external sources of love, wisdom, safety and security – benefits that should ideally provided by the parents.”

In a nutshell, we as parents should understand that these years are exciting, yet difficult for our children. When we treat them as friends, they will reciprocate and help us bridge the communication gap.

Our job is to assist them in becoming mature, responsible adults, so that when they grow up they have as many fond memories of their teenage years. As we do.

This article may be reprinted with the author bio and a link back to www.lovingyourchild.com

Advice For Parenting Teenagers:

• My Out-Of-Control Teen – Audio/Video EBook Plus Online Parent-Coaching For Parents With Out-of-Control Teens. How much longer will you tolerate dishonesty and disrespect? How many more temper tantrums and arguments will you endure? Have you wasted a lot of time and energy trying to make your child change? Learn cut-to-the-chase parenting strategies that work immediately rather than months or years down the road.
• No-Nonsense Parenting For Today’s Teenager – How to feel like a good parent even when your teenager hates you. Get your teenager to STOP their abusive or disrespectful behavior, listen to what you say, do what you want them to do & respect you as their parent, while getting peace back in your home.
• Speak Teenager – Win back your son or daughter. I wrote this book from a father’s point of view and not from a psychology point of view. My book is straight and to the point in an easy to understand language. This ebook contains everything you need to know in order to make amends with your son or daughter and become their best friend.

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For some children, the biggest math challenge is becoming interested. The subject can be very boring since children find it difficult to understand, if they cannot understand something they would lose interest on it. But, you as a teacher, can make it different.

• Knowing basic addition and multiplication would go a long way. If your child knows how to add and multiply very well then it fractions and other math problems would not be of a big problem. If your child or your student is showing any sign of difficulty on this field, then make sure that they would be mastering this part first.

• Teaching math does not have to be just numbers. You can use different methods or approaches, math can be illustrated too. So you use different kinds of pictures to illustrate concepts. Children would easily understand if they can visualize it. This would be great if you are teaching fractions, addition, multiplication and other topics.

• Aside from using pictures and images, you could also use or incorporate games into your classes. You can determine a specific date of the week that you would be able to play games to exercise their math knowledge. You can give small gifts or incentives to students who have won. But to do not scold those who do not win, praise them still for their improvements.

• If you find playing games too rowdy and noisy, then another thing that could make math lessons interesting, is by encouraging students to answer a math challenges. You could also give them small incentives for taking part or answering the problems correctly.

• Sometimes, teachers tend to approach formulas in an imposing manner. They would force students to understand and follow the formulas, just explaining its basic concepts. But you could still make it interactive. You can encourage students to interpret and explain the formulas themselves. Let them share their opinions. They could learn a lot from their discussions with each other, compare to when you stay in front of them lecturing about formulas.

• Research is essential. Whether you are a teacher, tutor or parent, there are numerous ways or techniques that you can do to make learning fun for your kids and students. There are numerous books, websites and resources that can help you come up with your own teaching technique and style. Do not just rely on you school textbook.

• Tests and exercises do not have to be boring. You can create a different kind of exam like puzzles, riddles or brain teasers.

To be an effective teacher, you would have to love what you do. For math teachers, you can make the subject interactive, creative and fun if you really love the subject. For example, if you love doing something then it is natural that you would like to improve yourself in that field.

The same applies with teaching. Your love for the profession will manifest on your lessons and how you strive to make your students learn something in your class.

Math Resources for Teachers:

• Making Math More Fun – Imagine the satisfaction that you’d get from seeing your kids math skills soar and their grades in math going up and up. Imagine being able to get kids so engaged with math that they don’t even want to stop even when you ask them to. This ebook will give you an endless stream of different ways to motivate kids so they learn the basics of math.
• The Math Board Games Book: Printable Math Games – Imagine being able to actually have kids begging to practice math and enjoying it while their confidence grows day by day. This new book gives kids math practice the fun way. It contains colorful math board games that get kids enthusiastically practicing basic math skills.
• Vedic Maths Ebook Course: Seriously Simple Sums! – Master multiplication & division. Don’t let your child struggle with maths tables any longer. Watch in amazement as they calculate large sums effortlessly, even in their head.

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This means they don’t have to be guessing about how their parents will react to something because they always know in advance. You see the rules are clearly defined.

These children display self control more readily and will happily take responsibility because they understand the reasons behind what parents do.

The end result of having good boundaries is that the child reaches a certain level of freedom through this responsibility. The parent will bestow more freedom on the child knowing that they will be able to handle it wisely.

And as a child is given more freedom they begin to take on even more responsibility. Then, when they prove to be trustworthy they achieve even more freedom within limits. And this is the key. Once a child realises this, they can move forward at whatever pace they want in life.

Every child moves at a different rate and some kids do find it difficult to handle freedom and responsibility. That is why you need to deal with each child on their own merits.

My eldest two boys are 16 months apart but my younger one is more responsible than his older brother. So I am obliged to extend more freedom to him because he has earned it.

Think about what happens when a person enters into the work force. It is not the oldest person who gets the promotion but the best qualified person for the job.

Now I never make a big deal of things to my kids, but I will entrust them with the level of responsibility that has been earned by them through their faithfulness or lack thereof.

Help your child be responsible by setting clear limits

Even if it was my 10 year old being the most faithful, she would be given the most freedom, providing she didn’t abuse the privilege.

The bottom line is that when we have good boundaries for our kids this helps negate the need for child discipline and makes life easier for both ourselves and our children.

Copyright © Kim Patrick

Kim Patrick is a Parenting Mentor and Coach, seminar speaker, and author of “Get Your Child To Behave IN 30 Days Or Less”. She is also creator of the famous “Sleeping Angels” series for children.  The Sleeping Angels Downloadable CDs are special CDs aimed at speaking positive messages to your children while they are in bed asleep. See how you can improve your child’s behavior with these astounding messages.

Parenting Resources:

• Positive Discipline Tools For Parents – Positive Discipline is a program designed to teach young people to become responsible, respectful and resourceful members of their communities. Based on the best selling Positive Discipline books by Dr. Jane Nelsen and co-authors, it teaches important social and life skills in a manner that is deeply respectful and encouraging for both children and adults.
• FREE Child Discipline Presentation – 3 effective keys to stop misbehavior and get any child to listen. Learn effective ways to handle temper tantrums, disciplining children and getting your child to listen and cooperate without putting up a fuss. An indispensible guide to transforming misbehavior and raising happy kids.
• Growing Up Children – How to get 5 to 12 year olds to behave and do as they’re told. A practical down-to-earth strategy to get your children to do what you want, and love you for doing it.

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Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what is kind than I am of what is true. ~Robert Brault

I recently read a list of “101 Things You Should Do If You Are Divorced With Kids” or something like that. It was things like “Don’t ask your kids what happened at your ex’s house” and “Don’t fight in front of your kids”. Advice that is pretty commonsensical. I don’t think most people who are divorced need to be told this, but a reminder never hurts.

There was one thing missing that really bothered me. The list did not include being nice to your ex!

Of course, we all tell our kids that they should be nice to the people in their lives. It is easy to be nice to your friends, it actually comes quite naturally. If you ask most people why they are nice to their friends, they would have a hard time answering. Just like it is difficult to explain how to breathe! We just do it! We rarely have to remind our kids to be nice to their friends.

We sometimes have to remind our children to be nice to new people. For example, when a new kid joins the class we often encourage our children to make the first gesture of friendship. Here the obstacle is, perhaps, awkwardness. But there usually is not a lot of resistance.

So far, we see that it is easy to be nice to someone we like. And it is not difficult to be nice to someone “neutral”. Now comes the more difficult part. The difficult part comes when there is someone we don’t like. Here is the real challenge and here is where the “teaching moment” with our kids comes in.

Yes, you should be nice to the people you don’t like. There are many benefits to being nice to people you don’t like, and the best possibility is that you will eventually like them and they will like you. Perhaps we don’t like them because of a misunderstanding that, once cleared up, can become a point of partnership and friendship.

There are many benefits to being nice to people you don't like

Also, when you are nice to many people, you increase your social circle. Research has shown that having a bigger group of friends has many benefits in health and happiness. Other people will notice your extra effort and will be willing to help you when needed. You can also widen your sphere of influence this way and become the “go to” person.

I am, in no way, advocating that you tell your kids to become a “sucker” for other people. They can actually extend a hand of friendship from a position of strength rather than a position of weakness. They don’t need the other person’s friendship, they are simply offering their own.

Of course, the best way to teach this is to model it for your children. And if you happen to be divorced, there would be so many benefits of acting this way. You would be teaching your children an important lesson, you would be lowering the stress with your ex, and you will truly be improving yourself!

This would truly be win, win, win all around!

© Copyright Shaya Kass, PhD, 2011

Shaya publishes his weekly newsletter for families who want to take their relationships to a whole new level!

Parenting Courses:

• Free Parent Coaching Audio: Connected Parents, Connected Kids – Empower your kids to trust their own intuition and give them the skills to get back in touch with their essence. Teach your kids to stay connected to their own inner wisdom by modeling the importance of getting yourself back in sync.
• The Inspired Parenting Course – Leading-edge parenting tools from the world’s most respected thought leaders and Law of Attraction teachers. Go deep into the exact practices and techniques that parents can use to help children and teenagers overcome challenges, find their purpose and live a happy, thriving life.
• Social .Skills For Kids – Does your child struggle with social interaction – and are you secretly worried, unsure how you can help? Learn the best way to empower your child in overcoming social challenges. Has everything you need to know to help your child improve social skills and win friends for life.

But is there a LIMIT to how intelligent we can become? Can a slow learner truly train himself to become highly intelligent?

Research has shown that with the right methods and enough hard work, everything is possible. It has been calculated that the total number of possible neuro-connections that can be created is ’1′ followed by a series of ’0′s that stretch up to 10.5 million kilometers long!

A human being’s potential intelligence is practically unlimited. This is why scientists have said that the average person uses only less than 1% of their brain’s potential in a lifetime.

Introducing the Left and Right Brain

To know how we can optimize our brain in learning, we must first understand that the cerebral cortex (top & central layers) is made up of two separate hemispheres, commonly known as the left-brain and the right-brain.

The left-brain processes cognitive functions such as verbal and written language, analysis, logic, facts, math, linearity and sequence.

The right-brain on the other hand, is involved in creativity, imagination, daydreaming, colour, rhythm, movement, emotions and holism.

Whole Brain Integration Learning

So, what is the secret in getting our children to focus, concentrate and learn effectively? The answer is in engaging both sides of the brain in the learning process. This method is known as whole-brain integration learning.

When students engage their right-brain (imagination, creativity, rhythm, colour, emotions, movement etc…) in learning, their two brains will create a synergistic effect that taps a lot more of their brain power!

As the same time, learning will become a lot more fun and exciting to them. Let us give you an example of how this can be done. Learning History in a pure left-brain way would simply involve reading the facts from the text over and over again until it is remembered.

How would a student make learning history fun by engaging both sides of the brain? After reading and understanding the facts, the student could draw colourful pictures and diagrams to illustrate the story.

He may even ‘daydream’ and imagine playing the sequence of events like a movie in his mind, seeing the events and hearing the dialogue of the characters. This use of both sides of the brain would make the information ‘come alive’ and boost his brain’s retention power.

© Adam Khoo is a best seller author and peak performance trainer, and co author Gray Lee, a certified Neuro-Linguistic Programming™ (NLP) trainer and an MBTI™ accredited facilitator. They will help you understand why children behave the way they do and transform the way you communicate with your children in their new ebook “Nurturing the Winner & Genius in Your Child”.

Educational Resources:

• Make Your Baby Smarter Before Birth In Only 13 Minutes a Day – 7 medical studies prove you can communicate and teach your baby before birth. It’s not only possible to improve your baby’s intelligence before it’s born – but you can help your baby improve in other areas as well. Pre-natal stimulation results in higher IQ, increased learning capability, and advanced motor skills. Find out what to do, how & when to do it in this groundbreaking program.
• Early Loving Early Learning: Loving Ways to Make Your Baby Smarter – Learn amazing secrets about early nurturing that will have lifelong benefits to your baby’s development – without feeling overcome by guilt and stress or having to create a whole new lifestyle.
• Instant Learning® For Amazing Grades – Are you frustrated with your child’s low grades or lack of motivation? Your child’s learning style may not match their school’s written testing style. New discovery about learning styles raises grades and test scores in just 14 days.

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